Gaslamp Ball

When Jerry Coleman speaks, I listen.

Of course I don't know his broadcasting schedule since it's been severely cut back over the last couple of years. So really there are probably a lot of times that he's speaking and I'm not listening, because the game is on TV or the Padres are playing really poorly and I'm trying to ignore them.

But if I'm in the car, the Padres are in the divisional race and Jerry Coleman just happens to be speaking, then I'm listening.

I'm also going to listen to him if he makes any endorsements, whether it be for San Diego County Credit Union or for a combat tested Marine who is running for mayor.

NathanFletcher.com:

It is time to turn the page on the problems of the past. Nathan will lead San Diego into a new era and will build broad coalitions to solve our problems. I encourage you to learn more about Nathan by visiting his website, facebook or twitter.

Sincerely,

Jerry Coleman

Gaslamp Ball will occasionally provide endorsements and judgments in the world of baseball and beyond. Should Gaslamp Ballers need to cast a vote or require an official opinion, look for Gaslamp Ball Proclamations first to see what our official stance is. Thank you.

A Major League pitcher is primed for success. He literally has 7 men standing behind him ready to do whatever it takes to help him accomplish his task and another man squatting 60' 6" in front of him directing his every move. In Petco Park, a pitcher also has the benefit of the moist sea air and spacious outfield to assist in his task. More often than not, this success is realized.

The odds are notably stacked in favor of a pitcher and because of this, there is never a need to be "scrappy" when pitching.

A scrappy position player has the odds against him and can be compared to the fisherman from Ernest Hemmingway's The Old Man and the Sea. His physical prowess has long escaped him (if ever it was there) and he is forced to rely on wits, luck and sheer determination to accomplish his task, which no one expects him to do. In contrast, Major League pitchers are captains of Japanese whaling boats, literally commanding a team of men to help him throw spears into a defenseless animal, minding its own business, that has to come up for air eventually.

In light of David Eckstein's almost, but not quite, retirement, it's only fitting that we decide where he fits on the list of the all time scrappiest San Diego Padres.

It's not an insignificant honor to be included on a list of scrappy players. Among the numerous criteria for being considered for this definitive list, a scrappy player must:

• Be capable of executing a straight steal of home plate because the other team is so completely unimpressed by you that they literally forget that you exist.
• Be resilient to the point of extreme annoyance, defying all odds and yet contributing positively in some small, yet historically insignificant fashion, not like a cockroach, per se, but not unlike a stream of ants embodied in one man.
• Be a slight source of embarrassment to the fans of the team you play for. Like, "Our starting short stop for the World Series? Yeah... Umm..... Chris Gomez.... No. It's OK. It's OK to laugh."
• Be a player who tries much harder than everybody else to make up for some deficiency. The most obvious being size or a lack of baseball talent, but this may also include not being quite as good at playing folk guitar as other local San Diegans or as handsome as other teammates.
• Ability to get a uniform muddy and grass stained even in the apparent absence of mud or grass.

One is disqualified from this list if they have ever been referred to as a "natural talent" or "physically gifted".

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO...

5. David Eckstein - David Eckstein would rank higher on this list except for the fact that he so wanted to be referred to as "scrappy" that it made it even more painful and embarrassing to watch him play for us. Also, his wife is really pretty and talented and it becomes almost impossible to believe that he's relying solely on scrap. Like, I believe you're scrappy, David Eckstein, but no amount of scrap is letting you marry that far above your head. He does get bonus points for excessively waving his bat during his stance as if to say, "I am so scrappy and hopped up on caffeine, I literally can not hold still for two seconds."

4. Chris Denorfia - Chris Denorfia almost doesn't make this list because he is not shorter than 6 feet and yet he fits almost all of the criteria. He put together one of the finest defensive seasons in Padres history in 2010 and yet he's known as the bad fielder who would have to fall down and dive to stop a softly hit ball that lands directly in front of him. Chris Denorfia has been known to make spectacular diving catches while catching a cold. People often watch him play and wonder if he must be getting paid to be trying so hard. Like, jeez dude. Settle down a bit.

3. Chris Gomez - Some would have you believe that Chris Gomez was one of the worst short stops to ever wear a major league uniform and they'd have some pretty good statistical evidence. And yet there he was, seemingly year after year playing for the Padres. If he was your favorite Padre during his time here, nobody would've blamed you at the time, but now you would attribute that to youth and not knowing anything about anything.

2. Eric Owens - I sometimes think that Eric Owens is actually still active in the major leagues somewhere and has simply taken his scrappiness to the level of wearing a fat suit, impersonating an overweight DH from the Dominican. During his brief stint with the Padres, Eric Owens was never known to not take an extra base. Devilishly quick on the base paths, one could not be blamed for mistaking him for an elf that makes shoes for needy cobblers as opposed to a professional baseball player. His straight steal of home is still remembered in Padres folklore as it happened against Brett Tomko, a right handed pitcher, with a left handed hitter at-bat, meaning everybody in the world had a perfectly clear view of Eric Owens except for anybody that could've done anything to prevent it. In the process of that particular steal, Owens also managed to distract Tomko so badly that the pitcher rolled his ankle during the pitch and was forced to leave the game.

1. Tim Flannery - While many of today's younger Padres fans remember Tim Flannery as the overenthusiastic third base coach for our San Diego Padres and/or a decent folk singer who would smoke weed at Rugburns shows and hang out with Steve Poltz, he is and will be known as the San Diego Padres true scrapper. A cloud of dirt would follow Tim Flannery around the beaches of San Diego, warding off panhandlers and gypsies. As a third base coach for the team, he tried to impart his scrappiness onto other players by never actually putting up a stop sign. Legend has it that after becoming a third base coach, he had his right arm replaced with a propeller from a retired Navy fighter plane from WWII.

We met Paul DePodesta back in 2007, shortly after joining the Padres and performing various tasks that, despite our three part interview with him, we never really understood. I re-read those interviews and I realize we never really asked him much about Moneyball, but nevertheless, those interviews portray a confident man. A man, despite being in an amorphous role, was exactly the opposite of amorphous.

What's the opposite of amorphous? Shapely.

So when Jonah Hill was cast to play the Paul DePodesta part in Moneyball the Movie, we thought, Jonah Hill typically plays the smart ass young dude and he's shapely, so that should work for Paul DePodesta.

But it was not to be.

Paul DePodesta is presented in both versions of Moneyball as a baseball dork, stuck to his laptop and somewhat quiet. Relatively meek. And he did not want to be immortalized as that.

Which, in the end was probably the right call, as Jonah Hill has now earned himself an Oscar nomination for his portrayal of a baseball dork, stuck to his laptop and somewhat quiet. Relatively meek.

So if Paul DePodesta wanted to distance himself from that particular rendition of his personality, then it's best that he's distanced himself from the rendition that is being universally recognized as one of the year's best renditions by a supporting actor in a feature film.

Dodged that bullet, Paul DePodesta, but make no mistake! The world will know of you! We will continue to link to this interview from 2007 until the world knows of you!

John Sickels doesn't often make lists, but when he does he puts the Padres second on said lists.

2) San Diego Padres: Incredible depth after the winter trades pushes this system almost to the top.

It's got to feel good as the Padres to get this kind of recognition from the great John Sickels. You work so hard to build up your farm system and no one seems to notice or care because the only thing that really matters to them is Major League Baseball.

John Sickels notices... John Sickels cares.

Sickels is so graphic in the way he describes the Padres gutting the Cincinnati Reds. He makes it sound like a scene from Temple of Doom.

21) Cincinnati Reds: Heart of this system torn out by Mat Latos trade but there is enough at the lower levels that I think they can recharge quickly.

On a Fall night in the not so distant future we'll all look back on this day as a hazy, blurry memory because we'll have consumed so much champagne and it will be stinging our eyes in our post World Series celebration. Sure we lost to the Blue Jays in the World Series, but we'll remember that John Sickels was right. John Sickels is always right.

So it looks like John Moores just didn't want to be the only one leaving Arizona with his fate left up in the air as he has apparently now gone ahead and voted "yay" for letting Bud Selig remain Commissioner of Baseball.

If you'll remember, the owners meetings were supposed to be a time for the owners to go ahead and approve the transfer of ownership from John Moores to Jeff Moorad, but was unexpectedly tabled. Selig at the time said that the vote could probably be finalized at a later date by phone, to which Moores apparently responded by voting a NO on letting Selig become commissioner again.

But now, cooler heads have prevailed and Moores has fallen in line and seen the light. Of course Selig should be commissioner. Of course.

In my mind, however, what this means is that the Padres ownership transfer will happen any second now. Any second... Waiting... Twiddling...

I like Heath Bell enough, but with any luck, in 5 years the San Diego Padres will already have a World Series title under their belt and not be viewed as a place for elderly, overweight baseball players to slowly ease into retirement. No offense.

I'd like for Heath to comes back and get a hosting gig on TV or radio and make his permanent home in San Diego, but unless Bell finds the fountain of youth, that affects more than just his personality then I really hope the team isn't in a position where they would even consider signing him again.